


It's The Hardest Thing In The World To Say Goodbye

by mwagner3



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-07-20 12:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16137581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mwagner3/pseuds/mwagner3
Summary: What would happen at McKinley High if there had been a real shooter?  A shooter with a hidden agenda against Ryder Lynn.Find out secrets that he has kept hidden and a dark past that will come out as Ryder fights to keep Marley and himself alive against a shadow from his past.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everybody likes this. It is a fanfic I have been working on for quite some time, and would love any feedback. I will be posting this on my wattpad and Fanfiction accounts as well. I know I look for Glee fanfic every couple of months and wish to allow as many fans of the show as I can to have an easier time finding some as well. 
> 
> I also wasn't sure what warnings to put up since I haven't finished it yet.

  _Take all of your wasted honor_  
_Every little past frustration_  
_Take all of your so-called problems,_  
_Better put 'em in quotations_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

_Walking like a one man army_  
_Fighting with the shadows in your head_  
_Living out the same old moment_  
_Knowing you'd be better off instead,_  
_If you could only_

I hear the words ring hollow as I think back to what happened. The funny thing is…my friends don’t know how true they are. Even as they felt the fear from earlier they have no idea the depths of the truth, the courage that it took for me to agree to do what I’m about to do.

_Have no fear for giving in_  
_Have no fear for giving over_  
_You'd better know that in the end_  
_Its better to say too much_  
_Then never say what you need to say again_

I watch them from afar. They have no clue that I’m here on the other side of the doorway. A spectator through a piece of glass who wishes that I could join them, but I can’t. If they knew….if she knew; I don’t know if I would be able to follow through. She’s selfless enough to ask me not to and I would probably listen. I would have given all the time remaining for this one last look.

It’s the hardest thing in the world to say goodbye. _I can’t._ So, I do it by lending my voice as a whisper.

_Even if your hands are shaking  
And your faith is broken_

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  
_Even as the eyes are closing_  
_Do it with a heart wide open_

I turn away from the door. Away from my friends. And the girl I love. My eyes and my heart swung completely open and I run.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dislaimer: I own nothing. The song is “Say” by John Mayer. It was originally used in the episode “Shooting Stars” from Glee and I thought it fit perfectly. I ended up shortening it a little for copyright purposes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had very much time lately to write, but I'm hoping to have some time soon. I hope you all like what I have to write, and are inspired.

**Several hours before**

Something happened none of us saw coming that terrified us to the core as we sat huddled in the choir room as minutes before a bang had echoed throughout the school. _Was it a gunshot?_ We all ask the same question, but we are all too scared to do anything. The only person who does is Sam; he wanted to get to Brittany. Mr. Schue wouldn’t allow him to, but eventually conceded to go himself to find her. That’s what I wish I could do.

I think about all that we have been through and the people that I care about. My whole life flashes before my eyes, and I think about the regrets that I have. Most of the people I care about are in this room with me, but this nagging feeling somewhere within me knows that there is still it least one person that I have learned to care about.

 “I want to call her” I say.                       

Jake looks at me, “who?”

“Katie.”

“I thought you said she was fake.”

“Look she’s someone…and I still care about her, okay. I’m calling her.”

I punch the number in my phone my hands shaking.

“Come on, pick up, pick up. Pick up please” I whisper. My hope is that in a classroom somewhere down that hall she is huddled with a group of students safe. I had really gotten to know her the last few weeks, and although she lied to me about her identity I wanted to belief nothing else was a lie.

I breathe a sigh of relief when she picks up, “Hey, Ryder.”

“Katie, are you okay?” I whisper.

“I’m fine, Ryder. I’m in the cafeteria.”

I look over at Marley paralyzed with fear and worry, and ask the question I know she needed the answer to “Is Mrs. Rose there with you? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine; at least for now.” The tone of which she spoke begins to enter my mind. She’s not whispering. She’s not scared.

My relief at hearing her voice dissipates completely. “What do you mean?”

“She’ll be fine. As long as you do what I say I won’t have to shoot her.”

These words take a few seconds to enter my brain. They can’t be coming out of her mouth. _Katie?_

“I see your struggling to understand, that’s good. I don’t want you to speak or let anybody know what’s going on; I have my reasons. Say ‘yes’ if you understand.”

I hesitate; should I tell someone what’s going on? Perhaps Coach Bieste or Marley? No. If she really does have Marley’s mom then I didn’t really know her. Katie could be willing to do anything including shooting someone as insignificant to most as a lunch lady.

 “Yes” I breathe out as I finally come to grips with the thought that Marley’s mom’s life is in my hands as Katie the girl I thought I knew seems to be completely the opposite of someone I want Mrs. Rose trapped with.

“Ryder, if you want the lunch lady to stay alive you will agree to meet me in ten minutes in room 106. You can just say yes or no.”

I can’t let Katie have a reason to hurt her. If Mrs. Rose got hurt it would devastate Marley, and that is something I couldn’t let happen; Therefore, I say the word that will affect my life possibly forever, “Yes.”


	3. Chapter 3

As the call ends my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest. _I have to get out of here, but how?_ Mrs. Rose is counting on me to find a way. It’s easier now that Mr. Shue is out of the room, but Coach Beiste sits by the door like a lion waiting to pounce. I know better than to try the direct approach without some sort of a distraction. I just have to time it perfectly because any minute now my favorite teacher should be coming through the door hopefully with Brittany in tow to provide the perfect diversion.

Luckily I don’t’ have to wait long as Mr. Schue opens the door quietly with Brittany and a few other students I didn’t recognize behind him. Mr. Schue is focused on Sam and Brittany reuniting. Now’s the time. I make my move.

As fast as I can I run out the still open door. I thought I could hear voices echoing my name telling me to stop; however, they didn’t know what I knew. The real danger wasn’t in the unknown. It was right down the hall. And I was heading straight towards it.

As I near the room I pause. Fear and adrenaline coursing throughout my veins freeze me in place. I am terrified of what I might find. Katie has become an unknown variable. An unknown variable with a gun. Fear pulls at me; it tells me to go back to the choir room. Fear tells me to back down, but every time I think about going back to the safety of the choir room I think of Marley. Not only is her mom counting on me, Marley is to. She just doesn’t know it yet.

It is the thought of Marley that propels me forward and tells me to open the door.

As I enter the classroom one thing becomes clear; there is only one person in here, and Mrs. Rose isn’t that person.

“Hey, Ryder. You can’t be that disappointed that it’s just me. I thought you would be grateful Millie Rose isn’t here.”

“Where is she?” I ask as I move forward into the room. I’m careful not to get too close.

  
“Oh, probably in the cafeteria. I really don’t know. I lied, I was never there. In fact, I’ve been here the entire time waiting for this moment.”

It was at that moment that I saw the gun in her hand. She tricked me again. I felt so stupid in that moment. “What do you want? Why involve Mrs. Rose at all?”

She stands up from the chair she was sitting in and replies, “What do I want? What I want will come later, but for now the only thing I need is for you to meet me once the dust settles and the cops are gone.”

“If you wanted to talk, we could have just done that.” I retort, “You didn’t need to bring a gun to school.”

“That’s not what I want, Ryder, which is why I needed to show you how serious I was. That’s what these theatrics were all about.” She says as she walks closer to me. My eyes stay on the gun as she starts to circle me like a predator does to prey.

“And as for your second question: Mrs. Rose was just a message, the real threat you need to worry about is Marley herself.”

“What?” _Marley._ My focus begins to fade as Marley becomes my sole thought.

“I know you care about her, probably more than you care about yourself seeing as you’re here in this room. Plus, you couldn’t stop talking about her every time we would chat. You’re not over her. And if you don’t meet me later and leave with us, I will kill her.” She smiles as if she had just invited me over for tea.

I can’t help but notice one of her words.

“Us?” I ask.

“Why, who else hates you more than anything? Your father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I will get the hang of this more....sorry if it takes me a little while. This is the first fanfic that I have written, so I hope you all like it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter mainly to showcase some of the emotions Ryder is feeling that hasn't been shown yet. I hope that you like it.

Numbness is all I feel as I stare at the board in room 106 thinking about what I just agreed to. Katie left minutes ago and yet I sit frozen, whether from fear about what could happen or from something completely different I’m not sure. I’m not sure what to feel any more. Should I feel relief Marley and her mom will be safe? Should I feel fear? Should I feel anger that someone I thought I knew betrayed me? In a way I feel all of these emotions and more; yet, I feel nothing as well.

I’m not sure what is worse; to feel nothing or feel everything.

**“** All Clear” rings out across the school, and the hustle of students pounding throughout the halls to find safety sounds loud in the dim. What was quiet only seconds ago is now echoing with footsteps and muffled cries.

In a way I feel jealous of them. They can go on with their lives. The worst of their fear is over. If I let myself I could be among them, but with every ounce of my being I know I can’t.

I stand up and join the multitude. Once we reach the doors to the outside I put my hands up as we are told to so do by the police. They want everyone’s hands visible for safety reasons since they haven’t found a weapon so far. They are still searching the school and emptying the place of students hoping to find something.

I see police cars flashing red and blue, students crying huddled together, and others trying desperately to find someone specific. Dogs are guided around the perimeter. I hear the sirens. Chaos is the word that comes to mind.

As I look around I start to recognize people; Coach Sue, fellow football players, and I see Marley hugging her mom. Jake stands next to them, and is pulled into the hug as well. _Good. She is safe._

“Ryder!” A voice from behind me calls.

I look over my shoulder to see Kitty coming towards me.

“Hey, Kitty.”

She reaches me and pulls me into a hug. Surprise hits me, and then I gradually return the pressure. I guess this incident must have been bad for Kitty to allow herself to be vulnerable.

“It’s alright,” I tell her as she shakes under my arms. “Everything will be fine.”

She releases her hold on me. “Sorry,” she utters looking at me like she did something wrong.

“It’s perfectly alright to feel, Kitty. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“Thanks, Ryder. Everyone else is over there.” She states nodding in a general direction to her left. “I’m heading over there in a sec. You should join us.”

“I might just hang out here for a bit, maybe find a quiet place.” I reply. “I kind of feel like being alone right now.”

“Will I at least see you at the get-together the glee club is planning after all this during the mandatory school assembly?”

**“** I don’t know. There are some things I have to do.”

“Okay. No pressure. Just know that you are welcome, and I will try not to be a bitch.” She teases making me laugh for the first time in what feels like forever.

As she walks off I consider showing up. I don’t know. It may be too hard to say goodbye since this time I’m not sure that I’m coming back.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will more than likely have a happy ending, but it will take a while to get there. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

With no goodbyes and no explanations I head towards the spot Katie had told me to meet them at. All the fear in the world couldn’t describe how I felt. I haven’t seen my dad in a while, and there was a reason for that. He was in prison because I put him there, and now somehow he’s escaped.

I slow down at every step. I could barely walk as I inched ever closer. Marley the only reason I had the courage to put one foot in front on the other. She was my salvation and my redemption.

I feel myself trembling slightly, so I make a conscious effort to try to control it. Only minutes ago as I had left the others I had accepted the possibility of death. I don’t know what my father and Katie intend on, but I know it will hurt. After all, the reason he was in prison in the first place was thanks to my testimony. For years he had physically and verbally assaulted me.  A little less than a year ago, just before I came to McKinley I had chosen to turn him in. I had thought that the worst thing in the world was what my father could do to me. I was wrong.

Marley means everything to me. Katie was right. I will place her well-being above my own every time. All I care about is that the girl I love is safe and happy even if it’s not with me.

As I round the corner I stop. What I see or more accurately who I see shakes me to my core: my father, Logan Lynn, is standing next to Katie looking as dangerous as ever. As soon as he spots me a smile that can only be described as evil spreads across his lips.

“Ryder.” He says. I hadn’t forgotten what his voice sounded like, but somehow it had only gotten crueler over time.

Shivering I respond, “Dad.”

The two of them walk forward as giddy with anticipation as a teenage girl on her way to a Justin Bieber concert.

“Katie mentioned that you would come, I just didn’t fully believe her until now.”

She looks at him with a grin, “I told you he has a soft spot for that girl.”

“Yes, you did. She must be something special for you to consent to seeing me again after what you did.”

“She is.” I barely respond. Marley is special. Whether that is true isn’t the problem. The problem is that the man who hurt me so sadistically for years is standing before me and I was truly terrified. I could barely breathe. The scars he left upon my body and mind outnumber the weeks we had left in school.

“Well, it’s time we get going.” He announces as he pulls out a pair of handcuffs. “You know what these are for, right Ryder.” It wasn’t a question. He had me shackled most of the time when he would abuse me. I even had slept cuffed to my bed for years.

I turn around and put my hands behind my back. I wince as he binds my hands tightly enough I could feel blood trickle down my wrists. Once the handcuffs were in place I turn back around and with one giant ounce of courage, I let my dad lead me out the door and into the awaiting car.

_I had once said, “you think a six year old knows his dad’s gonna love him no matter what.” Well, mine never has; to him, love is weakness._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the quote at the end of this chapter. It was said in episode 7 of season 4 of Glee and I thought it would be appropriate.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there will be lighter moments, but there will also continue to be darker ones as well.

We had driven for hours until finally we pulled over to what looked like an abandoned building.

“This used to be a secret government black site until they shut it down. I figured it would be the perfect place to conduct business.”

My dad always had a penchant for knowing military history. It was a hobby of his. One that allowed him over the years to collect artifacts of various uses.

He led me from the car with a firm grip on my arm into the abandoned structure. It was dark, cold, and smelled of mold. The entire place had an air of foreboding. It was also bigger than I thought it would be as I immediately saw that the site was placed in a way so most of it led underground.

“They kept several dozen prisoners down here during the cold war; most of whom, died down here.” He smirks. “Fitting, you should get used to being down here.”

He forces me further down the dim hallway using a flashlight to light the way. As we walk I see cells along the walls. Dread begins to eat at me as I imagine what awaits me in a place like this. For the first time in a long while, I felt alone.

We reach the end of the corridor and he forces me into the last cell; a hollow cube of concrete with only one way in and no windows.

“Welcome home.” He sneers. “Hands.”

I turn around so he can reach the handcuffs and he uncuffs my right hand and pulls me around so I’m facing him. He then takes the cuffs and shoves the empty side around my wrist again. _Great._ Here I was hoping that he was going to keep them off, apparently not.

Katie walks in and hands him a set of chains to which he places around the handcuffs. He then puts the other end of the chain into a setting in the floor and pulls to make sure it won’t break.

“Now, we begin.”

Logan Lynn strikes so quickly I didn’t see it coming as he punches me in the head. I stagger backwards as far as the chain lets me, but it was no use when less than a second later he punches me again in the gut. I drop to my knees gasping for air.

“This is just the start, Ryder”. My dad then punches me so hard in the head that I drop like a stone. I taste blood as he starts to kick me in the chest over and over hard. I start screaming even though I know nothing would prevent this.

All it did was make him laugh at my pain. “You chose this you stupid moron.”

He starts to alternate punching me and kicking me anywhere he could: he hit my arms, my legs, my chest, everywhere. The agony blinds me and the world went in and out of focus. ‘ _This is just the start.’ He had said._

I manage one last scream before I am finally enveloped in darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will explain things like why his father does certain things in a couple chapters. I hope that you will continue to read and like this fanfic. I also hope that you like the original songs.

**Day 1**

I couldn't tell what time. I wake up still in pain from the beating I had received I'm guessing several hours if not more ago. My chest ached more than anything and I felt dizzy and nauseous. More than anything I wanted to know I had done the right thing. The pain in my body tells me no, but then I think from my heart and realize I did. If my dad was willing to keep me captive and beat me; what would he have been willing to do to Marley?

I force myself into a sitting position as best as I could, and once I did I lift up my shirt to see black and blue bruises already starting to spread across my chest and stomach.

I wasn't sure what time it was. My dad must have done something to the lights because I wasn't sitting in complete darkness. There was a small amount of light coming from a bulb in the ceiling.

I wish it wasn't so cold. I was shivering in my t-shirt and jeans. And I was thirsty. Not a good combination.

Tears began to fall from my face as my body ached. The only thing keeping me going was the thought that Marley was okay and that makes me feel that this was all worth it. I would die for her, I knew it when I met her, I just didn't know that I might actually do it until now.

I begin to think about her. Her laughter could light up a room. Her humility is beyond all I had known. Her smile made me want to smile. Most importantly, she has the biggest heart of anyone I had ever known. She was perfect even if she didn't think it.  _She was perfect. She is perfect._

I made a song for her. I was going to give it to her after Valentines, but her reaction to my kiss wasn't what I had hoped it would be. It wasn't the right time to give it to her, and now I never will. But I can't help, but think of the lyrics and how true they were to this moment. So I sing them in my cell as I think of her.

 

_Just breathe. My life is holding on through you._

_Your smile lifts me up when I am down._

_The very air I breathe next to you is a gift._

_Even when darkness comes down, envelopes us in despair_

 

_I will fight for you_

_I'll die for you_

 

_Even though it hurts, even through the valley of death_

_Even through the pain, I will never forget._

_My love will shine through, and I'll die for you_

 

_Even though it hurts, even through the valley of death_

_Even through the pain, I will never forget the memories we've made_

_The life you have changed_

 

_I can never forget_

_I can never forget_

_I can never forget you_

 

"That was pathetic". Katie says as she steps into view just past the bars on my cell. " I mean I knew that you were stupid, but this….this is just pitiful."

"You know the one thing I don't get?"

"Really, only one thing?" She retorts sarcastically.

I ignore her. "Why are you doing this? I mean the person I was talking to for weeks can't be all gone. She can't possibly want this."

"I assure you I do want this because your dad wants it. The only reason I talked to you in the first place was to set this up. You see I love your dad, so what makes him happy makes me happy; and, your pain makes him ecstatic." She runs her fingers along the edges of a cell bar. "And just so you know, talking to you was the most challenging aspect of this. It required me to act, and well I know your type. All I had to do was be this understanding, mousy haired girl who loves the Hunger Games and romance novels. In other words, you fell in love with Marley twice. Even subconsciously you couldn't get over her."

She laughs out loud and tells me, "I wouldn't want to be you right now. Every day your father will beat you, and you can't do a thing about it anymore. The only thing I want to know is: was she worth it?"

Having asked myself the question before I don't hestitate, "Yes."


End file.
